Top 10

July 18th, 2007 by Glen Howie

It seems like a lot of people felt that our list of the ‘Top Ten Stripper Names’ was either wrong, or missing essential names.  Since I have to admit that some of these names are extremely common (it took hours and hours of ‘research’ to verify), I thought I’d update the list with more stripper names.  With this in mind, here are Bacon Magazine’s ‘More Top Ten Stripper Names’

  1. Brandy
  2. Tiffany
  3. Lexus
  4. Ginger
  5. Scarlett
  6. Devon
  7. Chastity
  8. Cinnamon
  9. Diamond
  10. Trinity

Once again, I challenge you to go to your local strip club, and see how many of these names are in use on any given night.  I bet you’ll see at least a few of these.  If you’re lucky (and have enough money), you may even see ‘em all.

February 27th, 2007 by Tony Walsh

Canadians are always described as “polite”, “friendly” and “peaceful”. These are all true for the most part but there are a few words to describe Canucks that would shock the world. “Naughty”, “saucy”, “cheeky” and “just plain dirty”!

This is especially true in our homegrown adult film industry. In case you didn’t already know, we do have a Canadian Porn industry. Here’s a list of some of this year’s finest titles. Enjoy - you erotic little beavers.

  1. Exploring Her Northwest Territories
  2. Hot Prairie Lovin’
  3. Debbie Does Dartmouth
  4. Oh Regina!
  5. Hockey Night In Candy
  6. The Bitchcombers
  7. Girls Of The Arctic Circle
  8. Reaching For Stanley’s Cup
  9. Mrs. Dressup
  10. Anne Of Green Gobbles
January 24th, 2007 by Nolan Whyte
  1. Scalpers at Maple Leafs games act like you’ve ripped them off after they rip you off.
  2. There are lots and lots and lots of openly gay people here. Maybe it’s a big city thing, but in this town, there is no closet.
  3. People will ride two buses and a train to get to a bottom-rung service industry job so they can tell themselves they work in the city.
  4. Men in Toronto wear berets and expect that no one will make fun of them in the same way that men in the West think they can get away with cowboy hats. They are both wrong.
  5. Toronto people easily confuse “expect good service” with “act like a total asshole to people all the time.”
  6. Confusing and contradictory parking signs are to be expected. Assign approximately ten percent of your monthly income to pay for parking tickets until you learn to just not drive anywhere.
  7. You get a warm feeling walking past the old, ugly yellow brick warehouse that is Maple Leaf Gardens. Who cares if a relevant sporting event hasn’t taken place there in years? Just walking past the place nurtures my inner jock.
  8. If you trip, a Starbucks will probably break your fall. If not that, then a Tim Horton’s.
  9. People asking for change are more plentiful than pop-ups at porn sites.
  10. The key to survival is getting bored of the strip joints before you blow your rent money on eight dollar beers.
November 2nd, 2006 by Bryan Smith

Have a simple “Leave a message at the beep” or just tired of those pre-made celebrity messages? Try out one of these for your answering machine and be the envy of all your friends!! Mwahaha! Finally I can show up Brent, and Jessica will be mine!! MINE!!!

1. My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.

2. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don’t need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

3. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling…. and I’ll think about returning your call.

Read more »

September 19th, 2006 by Glen Howie

Where would we be without Mob Movies?  There’d be no “sleeping with the fishes” references.  No “I made him an offer he can’t refuse” references.  No ‘Sopranos’.  No ‘Growing Up Gotti’.  No work for Joe Pesci.  Al Pacino would still be an unknown.  Hell, even Marlon Brando wouldn’t be quite the larger-than-life figure he is.  The Mob Movie has helped turn actors into icons, and has cell-ebrated the American Dream - even if it is violent, selfish and distasteful at times.  After all, what’s more American than The Mob?

Even American cinema itself owes a big debt to gangsters.  Organized crime and The Mafia have always been so alluring, that early American cinema had produced a number of great gangster films in the first half of the 20th century.  These early mob movies helped pull audiences into theatres, even during economically tough times such as the 1930’s, and some of those early gangster movies are still classics today.  Since the 1950’s, a ton of kick-ass Mafia Movies have been released in theatres.  Here are Bacon’s selections of the best of them.  The Top Ten Mob Movies.

Read more »

August 23rd, 2006 by Glen Howie

Have you ever noticed that there is a stipper named ‘Candy’ at every strip club in the world? Original or rare stripper names are very rare. Let’s face it, you never hear the DJ say, “Put your hands together for the beautiful Marla.” All strip club DJ’s get trained at the same place, and hence, they all have the same voice. You’re much more likely to hear something like,”EveryonemakesomenosieforDestiny.” With this in mind, here are Bacon Magazine’s ‘Top Ten Stripper Names’

  1. Destiny
  2. Candy
  3. Angel
  4. Cherry
  5. Raven
  6. Anastasia
  7. Roxy
  8. Houston
  9. Porsche
  10. Crystal

If you go to your local strip club, and don’t see at least one girl with one of these names, then i’ll eat my shorts! But that won’t happen… thanks to Destiny.

Be sure to check our follow up: More Top Ten Stripper Names (and its awesomely original title)