Syndication
SubscribeBacon
About
Editors
Advice
What’s the one thing you keep asking yourself “What do I need more of?” I bet you just said Dating Advice! Seriously, you really need more of it!
Enter Bacon Magazine’s very own “Bachelor of the Stars.” (Editors Note: We don’t even know what he means by that). Send your questions in, and Brock will amaze you with his mastery of the dating scene. There’s always two sides to a story, so to keep things in perspective, we’ll invite along a guest adviser of the female persuasion. Today’s guest is a long time friend of Bacon Magazine and self proclaimed dating expert, Barbara Jones.
1. What’s the first thing a woman will notice on a guy?
Barbara: Unfortunately, first impressions do matter. To get a woman’s attention it may be the style of clothing of the man or the way the man looks physically (good looking, good body).
Brock: A woman will always notice a guys crotch first. They can’t help it! They’re always thinking about their next deep-dickin. So boys, if you’re not packing, make sure you’re stuffing!
You’re casually perusing the latest game system, perhaps weighing the options of plasma vs. tube, when it happens…
You look around, take in your surroundings, and there it is…snowflake motif price markers, white faux snow liberally strewn around displays dominated by enormous snowmen, and the reality hits you: You’ve been ‘dating’ her for a month: She says ‘relationship’, you say ‘friends with benefits’.
But its now November and December is bearing down on you faster than Schumacher on a straight-away. What to do, what to do?
Congratulations, Big Boy. You’ve just proudly completed the proverbial ‘walk of shame’. Yes, you’ve done it; sat in the back of that cab reeking of your drunken lay. You’ve trundled past your landlord, wrapped in the rumpled remnants of last nights romp and now, here you are: proudly lounging in your bachelor’s bed like Hugh Heffner. Feeling good, aren’t you? You probably think you rocked her world. You may even consider yourself Da’ Man.
Here’s the cold, hard truth: You probably didn’t, you probably aren’t… and she is going to tell her friends ALL the details.
Yes, it’s true.
She is going to talk about it.
Boys. Ever been at the mall trying to figure out what to buy for your girlfriend/wife/mistress? It’s a common scenario - clueless looking man staring at merchandise, almost always getting suckered into buying some useless piece of crap that will end up in a bonfire or a shoe box of her “memories”.
Avoid this and give her something she’ll never forget! Something other than the unforgettable ride of her life that she receives each weekend when your hammered ass falls into the door.
One: Gift Certificates (or more commonly known in these parts as Gift Cards). It does not take a degree in anthropology to know that women get off on shopping. This way, you leave it up to her, and she can rush over to the mall to buy whatever she wants…leaving you at home to not deal with her. You both win.
Let’s get straight to the down and dirty! (Hmm, actually that opening statement can be put on the list. It’s not though, so use your own discretion. Plain and simple, sometimes “Hey baby, let’s bone!” doesn’t seem to cut it, so you need to be a little creative. Well, if you’re not then here’s a list that can help you out.
- Gettin’ Your Dinky Stinky
- Hiding the Bologna
- Throwing Dick Down the Stairs
- Having a Little Humpa Humpa
- Deep Sea Fishin’
- Forraging for Cherries
- The Tube Snake Boogie
- The Horizontal Monkey Mambo
- Hot Beef Injection
- Making The Beast With Two Backs
- Can I Wash my Winking in Your Kitchen Sinky?
Remember, creativity! Mix and match and trade with your friends.
If you are anything like me, you have hundreds of old CD’s lying around that you never listen to anymore. You want to get rid of them, but you know they cost you a great deal of money, so you want something back for them. You have ripped your music into MP3s, but do not have a portable device to listen to them on yet. Well, there is a solution.
I wanted an iPod and I wanted to get rid of my CD’s, but where can you sell your CD’s without a problem? I found a site from Chicago, Illinois which will sell you an iPod, CD’s, DVD’s, and other media. The best part is that they will purchase your used items as well, at a market value that their system constantly calculates. The prices change based on the demand for the item you are selling, and they may not buy them all, but they took close to 200 of my CD’s for just under $250 US. Read more »
Having trouble with sex? Wondering why you’re not getting as much as you used to, or not at all? Maybe you committed one of these Bed Faux-Pas. Sure, you may think you’re the sex master, but maybe it’s all in your head! Read through this list of things to never do in the bedroom, and you can learn from the mistakes of others.
Read more »
Having trouble finding that special lady (And by special lady I mean nympho sex kitten from Planet X)? Or are you just having trouble talking to the ladies? Don’t you worry; we’ve all been there. Some are still there; some were born there. Don’t you worry, there is a way out, and it doesn’t have to involve paying…. this time. Just follow these simple guidelines and you’ll be super stud extraordinaire!
Read more »
Hey Ladies! I know sometimes you just get the irresistible urge to do something nice for you man? Hasn’t he been so fantastic and super awesome that you need to show him how much you really care?
But what is it you do? Do you buy ‘em something? Do you do something? You don’t know! Of course he’s had his eye on the big screen TV (which, by the way, you should let him buy anyways). Now, you know as well as I do, it’s not easy picking out the perfect gift, but remember, a gift does not always have to be a material possession. That’s why we bring you this guide on how to please your man.
Cold coolin’ at a bar, and you’re lookin’ for some action, but like Mick Jagger said, you can’t get no satisfaction? Don’t know what’s wrong? You’re playing your best moves and still gettin’ no play? Your problem is that you don’t know what type of girl you’re working with. So before you approach her and lay down your best Don Juan, find out what she’s drinking first. Then simply follow our easy step by step guide. Follow it right and she’ll be easy too.
If she’s drinking…