Hockey, the greatest game on Earth. A fast paced game of action. The toughest and roughest men are often put to shame on the ice. You can’t get much more Canadian than a game of hockey. Which is exactly why Phallic Guy decided that he’d talk about hockey this month.

“Hockey, a game in which the goal is to score. Who doesn’t like the sound of that? I’ve dedicated my life to that very pursuit. In hockey there is a guy called a goalie who’s job is to try and keep you from scoring. In my experience, the one who is always trying to keep me from scoring is the woman, but I haven’t tried everything…”

“Am I the only one who spends time watching hockey as a precurser to a good romp? These guys spend the entire game with their sticks in their hands, and only occasionally get to shoot. That’s tough. It’s an exciting, sweaty, fast paced game that leaves you breathless. Sound familiar?”

“It is important in hockey to wear protective equipment, again this applies to many things… They don’t call me Phallic Guy for no reason.”

“Any game in which an announcer will yell out, ‘he’s really using his body’ is almost too much for me to handle. The only thing I won’t get into is playing during the first period…”